What is Narcissism?
The term narcissism is often thrown around casually, but in psychological terms, it exists on a spectrum. At one end, we all need a healthy level of self-esteem and self-respect to navigate relationships effectively. But at the extreme end of the spectrum lies narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) – a condition characterised by:
- A grandiose sense of self-importance
- Lack of empathy for others
- A constant need for admiration and validation
- Manipulative or exploitative behaviour
Individuals with strong narcissistic tendencies often create one-sided relationships, where their needs, opinions, and desires take priority, while their partner feels invisible, unheard, and diminished.
Understanding Coercive Control
Coercive control is a pattern of psychological and emotional abuse designed to dominate and intimidate a partner. Unlike physical abuse, coercive control operates in subtle but deeply damaging ways, including:
- Isolation – Restricting access to friends, family, or financial independence
- Gaslighting – Making a partner doubt their own reality
- Monitoring & Surveillance – Checking messages, tracking movements, or installing cameras
- Financial Control – Controlling access to money or preventing financial independence
- Emotional Manipulation – Using guilt, shame, or threats to maintain control
This kind of behaviour is insidious, leaving victims feeling trapped and powerless, often without even realising how they got there.
Recognising the Red Flags
If you are in a relationship where you constantly feel undermined, manipulated, or emotionally exhausted, it may be time to take a step back and assess whether you are dealing with narcissistic or coercive behaviours. Some key signs include:
You feel like you are "walking on eggshells" – afraid to upset your partner.
You experience extreme highs and lows – love-bombing followed by emotional neglect or criticism.
You are constantly blamed for things that are not your fault.
Your partner dismisses your feelings or opinions.
You feel isolated from your support network.
Recognising these behaviours is the first step towards regaining control over your life.
How Therapy & Legal Support Can Help
Many people struggle with leaving or setting boundaries in a toxic relationship. Psychotherapy can provide tools to help individuals understand their experiences, regain their self-worth, and establish healthy boundaries.
For those seeking separation or divorce, legal guidance is essential. Jane Tenquist explains how coercive control and narcissistic behaviours often play out in family law cases, from financial manipulation to disputes over children. She emphasises that the law protects individuals in these situations, and there are steps that can be taken to ensure fair outcomes.
Taking Back Your Power
Breaking free from a relationship dominated by narcissism or coercive control is not easy, but it is possible. Whether you choose therapy, legal action, or personal growth, the most important thing is recognising that you deserve to be in a relationship where you are valued, respected, and heard.
