Hannah Neeleman and the Resurrection of the Trad Wife

Neeleman documents her life on her hugely popular TikTok account, 'BallerinaFarm,' which currently has 9.3 million followers. In her videos, she portrays her lifestyle as idyllic. However, The Times article pulled back the curtain to reveal the real sacrifice and suffering that comes with being a 'Trad Wife'.

The first indication of sacrifices is the name of her account. Before meeting her husband, Neeleman was training to be a professional ballerina at Julliard, notoriously one of the hardest dance schools to get into worldwide. Instead of being on a stage, Neeleman posts videos of her dancing in fields of livestock in rural Utah.

When speaking to The Times, Neeleman noted that her goal always was to live in New York City and that she was 'a good ballerina’' however, once she met her husband, Daniel, this all changed.

Daniel pushed for marriage and children within the first year of their meeting. Neeleman herself admits she wanted to wait, but that 'wouldn't work' for Daniel. As a result, she became the first ballerina in modern history to be pregnant while studying at Julliard.

This, however, didn't remain the case for long as she dropped out before completing her qualification to move to rural Utah with Daniel. She has now had eight children in ten years, and is wholly responsible in raising them, looking after the household and preparing home-cooked meals from scratch every day.

Avid followers of BallerinaFarm noticed a painting of a Ballerina hanging above Neeleman's stove, with one commenter calling it a 'tragic reminder of what her life could have been'.

There were some especially concerning elements of the article which have sparked conversations online about coercive control and abuse in the 'Trad Wife' lifestyle.

One concerning element came when discussing childbirth; Neeleman stated that she did not use pain relief. However, when Daniel was out of the room she mentioned, in what was described as a hushed tone by the reporter, that she did have an epidural when she was giving birth to her daughter alone (as Daniel was working), calling it 'awesome'.

In addition to this, when speaking to the reporter, Daniel described times when his wife would be unable to get out of bed for an entire week, brushing it off as exhaustion.

However, many readers have interpreted this as a potential sign of depression. It appears that the majority of choices in Neeleman's life have been dictated by her husband, starting with his refusal to wait for marriage and children, and extending to her medical care during childbirth.

Neeleman's life is showcased to the world on her TikTok account, and due to the increasing popularity of her account and others in the niche, we are seeing many more women striving to be trad wives.

As we have seen in Neeleman's case, the traditional wife lifestyle strictly adheres to traditional gender roles.

The husband goes out to work, whilst the wife remains at home, maintaining a tidy, clean house, cooks homemade food and looks after the children, whilst also ensuring she is presentable and welcoming for her husband when he returns from work.

The trad wife has no income of her own, save for any allowance that may be provided to her by her husband.

She has no job or career and is entirely financially dependent on her husband, not just for income but also for housing, food, and necessities.

Some trad wives may have their savings/assets, especially if they have recently transferred to their new lifestyle, but many rely entirely on their husbands.

Therefore, what happens if the trad wife suddenly faces divorce and a future with independent living and finances?

As a general summary, if a financial agreement cannot be agreed between the parties on a divorce, then the court will need to review the assets available and determine a fair settlement based on the following factors:

1. The court must have regard to all circumstances of the case and, in particular, first consideration must be given to the welfare of any children of the family.
2. The court must then have regard to:
   1. The income, earning capacity, property and other financial resources each party has, or is likely to have, in the foreseeable future.
   2. The financial needs, obligations and responsibilities of each party, now and in the future.
   3. The standard of living enjoyed by the family prior to the breakdown of the marriage.
   4. The age of each party and the duration of the marriage.
   5. Any physical or mental disability of either party.
   6. The contributions which each party has made or is likely in the foreseeable future to make to the welfare of the family, including any contribution by looking after the home or caring for the family.
   7. The conduct of each party, if such conduct would, in the opinion of the court, be inequitable to disregard.
   8. The value to each party of any benefit which, by reason of divorce, that party will lose the chance of acquiring e.g. inheritance.

One key factor in a trad wife divorce is the wife's income and earning capacity. If she is not in employment at the time of the divorce, then it is unlikely that she has an independent income stream separate from her husband.

The court must look at how the wife can live a financially independent life once the divorce is finalised. Part of this assessment will involve looking at the wife's earning capacity, and whether she could facilitate a return to (or begin) a career and a working life.

There is an expectation that someone of working age who can work should obtain employment.

Therefore, it is highly likely that the wife will be expected to earn her own income and take steps to acquire a job.

This is dependent on the circumstances of each case and the length of time that the wife has been out of work, but generally, the court will expect someone of working age and ability to obtain employment.

If the parties had a high or good standard of living during the marriage, then the court does recognise that this standard should be replicated as far as possible after the divorce, using the financial resources available to both parties.

This may work in favour of the trad wife, as it may mean she receives a larger share of the financial resources as she has less to start with, perhaps via a larger share of the home and spousal maintenance.

This would enable the wife to rebuild her life. However, as above, the court will likely require her to obtain and maintain her own income for the future.

Whilst following the divorce, the trad wife may need to obtain employment, her non-financial contributions to the family will still be recognised by the court.

For example, her contributions to maintaining the household, including looking after any children and doing all the household chores and tasks will not be disregarded.

This means that a trad wife cannot be disadvantaged solely because the husband was the sole breadwinner and made all the financial contributions to the family life.

Caselaw sets out that there should be no bias in favour of the breadwinner at the expense of the homemaker, so her non-financial contributions will be taken into account when deciding on a financial settlement.

Coercive control is recognised as a form of abuse and refers to a continuous pattern of behaviour that is intended to exert power or control over another person.

Typically, depriving someone of their independence and can have a serious impact on day to day living.

At Myerson, we have close links with domestic abuse charities and refuges and can assist with an urgent referral where needed.

To conclude, the trad wife lifestyle is an individual choice and has its pros and cons.

However, it is important to recognise the financial consequences if the lifestyle breaks down in the event of a divorce.

Whilst there are potential options available to the wife to rebuild independence, these aren't guaranteed and will be fact-specific.

The trad wife should try to take steps to protect herself in the event of a divorce, through measures such as a generous pre- or post-nuptial agreement (the husband would have to agree!), an independent and private savings account, or potentially earning independent income through a small or stay-at-home job.